Where to begin? It's been awhile so bear with me. I'm doing Beth Moore's bible study on "Breaking Free" and am doing a lot of "soul searching" in myself. I'm in Part IV about Dreams Surpassed & Obedience that Lasts and am realizing I don't know what my dream is right now! I love how Beth Moore compares our lives to fairy tales we all loved as young girls. Living in a castle, waiting for our Prince Charming and when he arrives, we live happily ever after! Isn't that what we're suppose to have in life? YES IT IS! But.... not the way I think we all had thought it would be. Life is life & things happen to us, around us & thru us that we can't control.
There are 4 dreams from the "fairy tale" that we do carry in some aspects into our real lives:
1 - To be a bride
2 - To be beautiful
3 - To be fruitful
4 - To live happily ever after
In my "soul-searching" I've realized I've had the first 3 of these dreams fulfilled in my life (#4 will happen when I meet Jesus!) and very grateful for that! When I was young, my best friend & I had a dream... we were going to graduate from high school, pack our stuff & move to Dallas to become interior designers. We were going to work for the rich & famous so we would become rich & famous! We had it all planned out... where we would live, steps we would take to get us to our goal, etc.... but.. life happened.
I moved, we lost touch, I got pregnant & married & life happened.... I look back now & know God had a plan & still does. I wouldn't change any aspect of my life as it is but my example is to show that our dreams are not always our own. God has other dreams for us if we just ask & look for them.
My family became my next dream... who they would be, what they would be like, how they would grow up. I had so many dreams for their futures and I must say, they didn't turn out as I had dreamed... they came out better than I could've imagined!! We gave them over to Christ & let Him guide their steps thru life and are seeing the results in 2 godly men!!
During the later time of raising our family... we began to dream again. What would life be like "after" the kids leave?? This one is much harder! We had dreams of being debt free, having free time & ability to "do" whatever we want to! Travel, home improvement, garden.... whatever! Well.... here it is a little over a year later & I have no clue what my real dream is!! Chapter 26 - To Be Fruitful of "Breaking Free" made me focus on this more & began a stirring inside me. All the years our kids were teenagers, we spent a lot of time with our youth groups! I mean A LOT! Our family vacations were youth trips. I poured myself into these kids & have seen many lives changed over the years. The chapter about being fruitful discussed having spiritual children & I totally feel that's what I had in addition to my own.
Lately tho... that desire has been dwindling in me. The desire to be totally emerged in the youth has been changing. I've been fighting it because I LOVE TEENAGERS! They're fun & smart & need so much guidance. I don't know if God is moving me away to begin something new or if I'm just suffering from empty-nest syndrome & don't have a desire for anything right now. I'm having to question myself about my purpose & usefulness in some areas and trying to figure myself out at this point. My direct dreams (my kids) have moved on to dreams of their own & now I have to FIND MY DREAM AGAIN! In Luke 1:5-7 Elizabeth was "barren" because God had something special for her. I believe I'm in a "barren" place waiting on my "something special" from God.
Matthew 28:19 (NLT) Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,t baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Genesis 1:28 (NLT) Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”
I can't assume my fruitfulness has ended....
Titus 2:4 (NLT) 4These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,t to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.
I have a recurring "thing" that keeps showing up when I least expect it and I'm tyring to reason it out to see if it's from God or my need to feel useful again as a spiritual guide. Ch. 26 had one poignant statement that really settled on my heart the other day.... "I will always have the opportunity to "mother" a few spiritual offspring as long as I am willing to invest myself!" So.... I'm trying to work thru this "need" I'm having and am praying about it with my whole heart to see if it's the right decision & direction. I'm being elusive about the "thing" because I haven't even mentioned it to my husband at this point. It would be a total commitment for both of us and a life changing event so I want to be clear that it's from God before making the next step. Until then, I'm searching for my DREAM ;-) ever changing as it may be ;-)
My verse thru this all has been Psalm 48:14 (NLT) - "For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us until we die." He is my guide, my road-map, my Dream! He's my Prince Charming!
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